What Mommy Wars?

I recently read an article examining the status of the so-called "mommy wars". The author postulated that the struggling economy had made this a back burner issue. I believe the Mommy Wars were flamed by media pundits and never reflected the day-to-day reality of modern motherhood. Most women understand that we all have difficult choices to make in life, and every mom has do to what is best for her family in their circumstances.

I base this on personal experience in nearly every hyphenated unit of the Mommy troops. I have been a full-time working mom, a part-time working mom, a stay-at-home mom and a free-lance working mom. At each stage I have been actively involved with my children's lives and engaged with mothers from all walks of life. There has never been a time that I felt any real enmity or judgment of my work arrangements. I never heard my professional colleagues disparage stay-at-home moms or vice versa. There were definitely interesting discussions about what was best for children, for women, whose needs should come first etc., but never did I encounter the virulent "us vs them" mentality that generated so many headlines.

Of course there are some individuals with very strong opinions. One former coworker declared she was so glad to be back in the workforce because staying at home with her kids had been boring and she felt she had lost her identity. She believed that taking time out of work wasn't really a good choice for women or children. I gently pointed out this was her individual experience and she had reached this conclusion after having had the opportunity to stay home; a choice that many moms will never even have a chance to make.

The truth is so many mothers struggle to balance raising children with working and meeting their own personal needs. There is no one choice that is perfect for all families. Like the seasons, our families needs and desires change over time. We are already under so much pressure as modern moms, the stay home vs work debate is just irrelevant. Instead of talking about Mommy Wars let's talk about Mommy Peace. Let's talk about support services for the various challenges presented by working, staying at home, and everything in between.