Marriage Reality Check

My husband and I have been married for over 13 years. I am proud of the life we've made together, but it has been an incredibly rough road. There were many times when I wondered if holding on was the real mistake and other times when I felt incredibly grounded and secure. Maybe that explains why I WAS a big fan of the Jon & Kate Plus Eight show. Yes, Kate could be shrill and Jon was the epitome of passive/aggressive, but they were a better reflection of my marriage than the reality TV family I wish we were like, the Duggars. I could relate to Kate's emotional outbursts, her desire to create wonderful childhood memories,and to provide for the brood financially. Meanwhile, Michelle Duggar the even-keeled, patient, ever faithful mother of 18 never loses her cool. She lives on some alternative plane of consciousness unfazed by petty concerns. I would love to join her, but spiritually I'm just not there.

So while I aspired to be Michelle, I found solace in seeing Jon and Kate muddling their way through in similar fashion to us. I was disturbed by blog reports of Kate's manipulations, but I decided to give her some slack due to the pressure of having to put eight kids through college someday. And even though Jon was henpecked, I knew he had to be grateful to Kate for masterminding their path to financial security. I really believed Jon and Kate were a strong unit and was so envious when they renewed their vows in Hawaii. So I felt incredibly duped when their facade came crumbling down. It has forced me to take another hard look at my marriage. Afterall, I related to Jon and Kate and as long as my marriage wasn't any better or worse than theirs, I felt I could coast. But the reality is marriage is hard work, something you have to work at every day. There are no guarantees, but neglect is always a recipe for disaster. So the lesson for the day? Don't compare you marriage to anyone else's because you'll never know what goes on behind anyone's doors but your own.

As for the show, I still tune in like a rubber necker at a crash scene. The show has devolved into a blur of cross promotions, field trips, and product placements. There is no substance, no real heart any more. The main draw of the show was the family interactions, and seeing the kids grow up in a normal fashion. From this season's shows it appears the kids are on one never-ending vacation. You don't see the everyday stuff of family life like the chaos of getting everyone off to school, tackling chores, making friends, etc. Jon and Kate used to pretend the cameras weren't there. Now they talk directly to the cameras because they have no one else to play off of. It is so sad. I just wish TLC would pull the plug and free me from this self-inflicted addiction.